Yo tengo alegria en mi corazon. (DONDE?)

Joy.
Everyone pursues it.
Numerous mistake happiness for it.
Few people know the difference.
Less people have it.
It doesn't come prepackaged
nor does it bear a price tag.
Are you searching for joy?
Just open your heart to God.
Surrender and open,
then beautiful things happen.

If His grace is an ocean, we're all sinking

I figured it was about time to reflect on my summer and all the things that God has taught me. Looking back I was a little surprised that I grew so much through God. I guess I wasn't expecting that much this summer. Thinking about that now, it was silly of me to think that God wouldn't be growing me.

Mexico:

~ I was amazed and blessed by how hospitable the families were. Everywhere we stayed they were more than willing to give up their beds for us. Time and time again they made sacrifice after sacrifice for us without thinking twice.
~ Love is not limited by language or race. We played tag, hide-and-go-seek, and caught frogs with the kids. They are so happy go lucky and love so easily.
~ Tim, the missionary looks for every opportunity to share God with the people that he talks to. That was an eye opener for me, that I need to be doing that. I need to be making a conscience effort to look for opportunities to bring up God in my conversations and know that I have no reason to be ashamed of it, either.
~ They don't put stock in material possessions. They are more concerned with the things that actually matter, like building relationships and showing God's love. They aren't worried about how many activities they can fit into their days so they can feel 'productive'. Their sense of productivity comes from furthering their relationships and living out God's characteristics.
---> This was the biggest lesson that I came away with. I like to have schedules and have everything organized and what not and I think that sometimes I forget about the more important things. This was a very helpful lesson to learn before camp started because I was able to be more relaxed and less up-tight.
~ There was one girl, her name was Brittany and she was such a sweetheart.  It was so cool to see how much love she had to give away. Every time she saw me, it was like she hadn't seen me in forever and she'd come up and give me a great big hug.

Camp:

~ I was very blessed to co-counsel with Hannah my first week of camp. We worked really well together and I really appreciated her godly wisdom that she shared with our girls.
~ Since I was on Kitchen for a week, I really gained a huge appreciation for what they do. It is an awful lot of work and they serve with a willing heart.
---> After having to tray raw bacon, I no longer can enjoy it.
---> I enjoyed getting to know the girls in the kitchen and had a pretty good week.
~ I discovered this summer that I LOVE being at the fort. It is an incredibly atmosphere-- such an amazing community. And if you're a little late from something, no one minds. (Which was great for me because I tend to be late.)
---> I was so blessed to co-counsel with Val.
---> I was at the fort during the jr. high camp and I discovered that I have a love for jr. highers. I loved pouring into them and I was so sad to see them go. I wanted to keep them.
And now, I'm co-leading a grade 6 girls small group at youth group. At the beginning of the summer I never would have thought that I would be doing that.
~ The last week at camp, I had a cabin of 7 little girls all by myself. At first I was shocked, then nervous and I started to doubt myself. Thankfully I have amazing people in my life that kept reassuring me and slowly over the weekend before my confidence was built back up. I learned an incredible amount that week:
---> God showed me how to have an abundance in patient and that I need to take my days moment by moment and look for joy in each moment and to really take joy in my girls.
---> God also showed me how to love these girls unconditionally, especially when they were being down right annoying.

Some fantastico moments I don't want to forget:

- (last week of camp) One day my girls left me some flowers on my pillow for me. The next day I came into the cabin after skill and they all said excitedly, "Look what we put on your bed for you." I go over, but I don't see anything on my bed. Still very excited, they say, "Look on your pillow! It's a crayfish!!"
Not what I was expecting!!!
- (last week of camp) One of my campers grandparents came to pick her up. Before they left, her gramma gave me a big hug and said, "Thank you so much, you've investing in their lives."
If not any other time during the summer, I knew then that I was right where God wanted me.
- (week at the fort) One of my girls came to me after talking with Val for awhile and said, "Star! I just committed my life to Christ." To see the look of joy on her face was priceless. I was so incredibly happy for her. She said that after she made that decision she felt so much peace.
- (last week of camp) At closing chapel, I was sitting with all my girls and Garrett was saying that before the campers leave they should thank their counselors. My girls apparently couldn't wait. They all stood up and smothered me with hugs. (I at this point was still sitting down)

---
Confessions:
Even though I learned quite a bit, It probably would have been better if I had read my Bible and prayed consistently. Even now I'm not doing that.
I have a habit of pretending, acting and sometimes even believing that I have all the answers. I don't. So Jayda, just stop pretending.

A potentially unbreakable cycle?

I've been so wrong all along,
putting my worth in what I've done.
I get distracted so easily
and allow the world to almost consume me.
Why do I insist on looking elsewhere
instead of running into your care?
I hate how much I stray away
when I know I should stay.
How can I so easily forget
that His love for me is passionate?
Lord, this is my plea,
please pick me up and strengthen me.

Fabricated Safety

She has been protected for so long; lost in a bubble of bliss and ignorance. Tea parties, sunshine, smiles, and daises. She is so unaware of the cruelty and injustice that plagues the air around her. Now her fabricated safety is at high risk, the cold sharp talons of reality have her in its grip. The talons tear into her bubble and the world seeps in, tainting her soft clean skin. She is knocked down to the ground from the shock of reality. Everywhere she looks she sees horror, destruction, chaos, and lies.

Voices penetrate her skull, demanding her attention:


“You’re not good enough.”


“You’re useless.”


“You’re not pretty enough.”


“So don’t. even. try.


The blinding darkness has set in and makes its home around her, suffocating and thick. Her last ounce of hope seems to be smothered.
Unexpectedly, she catches a glimpse of pure white light that burns through the shadows with honesty, integrity and goodness. And then it is gone. This small light has renewed her hope and tightly she clings to it.

At seeing this, the chatter commences and tells her:


“You are worthless so give in and give up.”


And so begins a journey for another lost daughter.

It is what it is

I recall, you caught my eye,
smiled and said "hi".
I returned the smile and said "good bye".
And was on my way away from you.

My name is STAR

Do everything without complaining or arguing,
so that you may become blameless and pure,
children of God without fault in a crooked and
depraved generation, in which you shine like stars
in the universe as you hold out the word of life—
in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that
I did not run or labor for nothing.
Philippians 2:14-16


This is my vow and goal of sorts for the new coming school year and the time beyond. I am excited yet nervous at the same time because being a light and shining like the stars is a huge responsibility. But I am eager to see God use me and work through me in my school. And I know that my Lord will strengthen me and help me and that I have nothing to fear.
So I am praying that I will not throw away my confidence like I have done many times in the past and I'm praying that I will not lose sight on my goal; my ambition; my purpose.

In God I Trust

A new chance, a new day, a new way.
A new choice, a new voice, a new road.

Will their hearts be open or closed?

We Lost It All

I'm guarding my heart, so don't even try.
For the last time I'm wiping my tears dry.
Whenever we end up meeting,
my heart surely takes a beating.
Please don't play around with my emotions,
and don't make a big commotion.
Everything's changed, nothings the same,
I'm so tired of playing this game.
And I'm sick of falling,
every time I hear your voice calling.
So please don't try to hold my hand,
I know you had it planned.
Just let me be,
I desire to be free.

Warrior Princess (for Jess)

She is a warrior princess.
When she wears sweat pants, she means business.
Fashions and trends don't concern her.
She puts her focus on what's before her.
She doesn't need a million maids.
She seeks independence, but in her Father's name.
Through trying times, she's found the secret of life.
It consists of four letters, and it changes lives.
It is love, and she uses it's full power.
For leadership,
and reassuring, comforting and healing others.
She loves in the name of the Lord,
because with his grace we can be restored.

Princess Dress (for Linds)

There is a beautiful brown haired girl,
and in her princess dress she twirls.
She wears in her a tulip or daisy,
she keeps herself busy; she's far from lazy.
She writes poems of love,
and sings with the sweet voice of a dove.
In the meadow she sits to think,
gazing at the tress dressed in pink.
All the while waiting for prince charming,
she hopes he's a Dutch boy into farming.
Oh what a life with chickens and cows,
she won't settle for less, that's her vow.
So she waits patiently for the perfect one,
as does her father with a loaded gun.