I will rest in You

You are my constant.

When I'm uncertain of what the future will bring,
and am weary of everything,
I will rest in You.

You are my constant.

In the midst of searing pain
that is enough to maim,
I will rest in You.
You are my constant.
When I don't understand
and can't fathom Your plan,
I will rest in You.
You are my constant.
When your uncontainable joy fills me,
and I know you have set me free,
I will rest in You.

YOU ARE MY CONSTANT.

God Provides, Even in the Small Things!

I had a hair appt today at 10:00am and I had to walk because my parents are out of town. I ended up leaving later than I had planned and knew I would be late, as this was going to be about a half hour walk. So as I was walking, I decided to pray. I prayed that God would get me there on time, somehow.
I kept walking, and praying and then 10:00 rolled around and I accepted the fact that I was going to be late. And then, God answered my prayer.
Kayla drove by, saw me, picked me up and took me to the salon. I was so overwhelmed with joy and gratitude to God!

I wanted to share this to encourage you, the reader, that God does provide and he does answer prayers!! Nothing we face is too small or insignificant that we can't bring it before our loving Father.

Ending is Beginning

There are so many things coming up to be excited about! Grad, Phao concert, chillin with camp friends, working at camp, and then COSTA RICA! But I don't want to get caught up in the activities and get distracted from God and what he has for me. I don't want to slip into complacency... again, which I am so prone to do. I want to live intentionally, for him, every day; to deny myself and carry my cross daily. So you who are reading this are my witness. Keep me accountable, encourage me, rebuke me, and most of all pray for me. I can and will do the same for me, just send me a message, or have a chat with me. That's what community is, looking out for each other while being unified in Christ.

Colossians 3:12-17
12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. 16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. 17 And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

I know what happens next

It's the same, always the same:
Common ground, friendship bound.
Things are great, as of late.
Then small progressions, until a near confession.
And here's the part I know the best, I run away, too scared to invest.
Impenetrable walls, incredibly tall.
That's where I'll hide, far, far from your side.

Sweet Surrender

"You make all things work together for my good"

Those words I sang from the bottom of my heart;
filled with emotion, hardly able to choke them out.
I felt his presence wash over my soul,
I rested in him and felt so full.
I wanted to change and be made new,
so my heart whipsered,
"My trust is in you."

I Am in Such Awe of Him

My God is so great,
it's something that I can't even explain.
What mighty power is in his name,
for he will forever reign.
And through the storm his love will remain.
When we are broken and in pain,
he is patient in removing our stains.
And when we are weary and drained,
he will refresh us like a deluge of rain.
God is the same,
past, present and future, he will never ever change!

For the Lord is Good!

When I feel my world crashing on top of me,
and I yearn to feel free,
I will praise Him.
When I feel so alone,
and I'm chilled to the bone,
I will praise Him.
When I am surrounded by the enemy,
and bent down on my knees,
I will praise Him.
And when I am blessed,
and know He is far more mightier than the rest,
I will praise Him.


Consider what God has done:
Who can straighten
what he has made crooked?
When times are good, be happy;
but when times are bad, consider:
God has made the one as well as the other.
Ecclesiastes 7:13-14

The More

2 Peter 1:3-4:
His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.

I think that this is an excellent reminder of why we need to know God.
The more we know him, the more we put our trust in him.
The more we put our trust in him, the more we can experience life in him and his precious promises.
The more we experience life in him and his precious promises, the more we are able to flee the devil and submit to God.
And all this is through his own glory and goodness.

PRAISE BE TO GOD!

GLORY TO HIM!

OUR SALVATION COMES FROM HIM!

HOLY, HOLY HOLY IS HE!

ABOUNDING IN GRACE, HOPE AND LOVE!

SUFFICIENT FOR OUR EVERY NEED!

SO WE FALL ON OUR KNEES

IN PRAISE TO HIM!

I Was Made Just For You, Made To Adore You

Jesus said:

Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. (John 15:4)
As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. (John 15:9)
I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. (John 15:11)
You did not choose me, but I chose your and appointed you to go and bear fruit--fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. (John 15:16)


I really like John chapter 15. It is so full of God's amazing promises for us and it gives us a purpose--to remain in God. That's why we were created, to have a relationship with God and through this relationship, we can be whole and then in turn spur others on to seek God. If we really focused on this and made this the top priority, think about how different we would live. But we wouldn't be different because we're trying to be a "good Christian" we would be different because God would be flowing through us. I guess I'm just really praying that we will go to new depths with God, truly seeking him and not get caught up in all the earthly distractions.

I Love My Jesus, Deep Down In My Heart

I am so blessed to be a part of a community of such strong believers. It encourages me to no end and I just love it, love it, love it! This is such a testament to how faithful God is and that he provides us with what we need, when we need it.


Yesterday was Good Friday, and what a goood Friday it was!

Something Stronger

Rain drops on the window pane
Blur my vision.
Icy fingers of fog enfold the window
And take hold of my mind.
I can make out your silhouette through the misted pane
And I long for you to come near.
I want to scream your name,
So you will turn my way.
I want to run full tilt toward you
And wildly swing my arms around you
In a loving embrace.
But my mobility has been taken hostage;
I am rooted in place.
All I can do is pray,
As you walk away.

You light up my sky

I've been trying to regain my pace,
but my naive attempts were empty.
Now I know to look up.
To just tilt my head heaven ward,
and take in a deep breath of vertical perspective.
A mere horizontal viewpoint is altogether limited-- I can only see what's around me, on the surface--but thinking eternally enables me to soar.

Please don't face the headlights of the oncoming cars alone

I've resolved to run and run and run and occasionally look back,
but never go back.
I can't stand in this suppressing swamp anymore
and I can't sit it out, trying to make myself small and unnoticeable.
Neither works, nor does pretending it's not there.
The funny thing is that I thought this was normal,
but now I see I was blinded by familiarity.
I would like with all of my being to somehow fix this,
but I can't.

So instead I'll run and run and run.

My two cents worth

Purity: fleeing evil desires and pursuing righteousness. Purity is a lifestyle.

Sexual purity + emotional purity + spiritual purity = PURITY.

Not one or the other, but all three together.
We are called to care for our brothers and sisters in Christ,
to place them above ourselves and not make them stumble.
We are called to honor and respect each other as well as ourselves.

1 Thessalonians 4:7: For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life.


"If we truly seek to live pure lives, we can't allow ourselves to detour for

even a second from the pursuit of righteousness."

Changes are good, lets see how long they last

Today was better than most. I think Paul was onto something when he said, "give thanks in all circumstances." Thanking God throughout the day really does make a difference. I'm in such a better frame of mind, than on any other typical Thursday.

Something that kills me though,

is watching my friends go through

struggles and stress and not being able

to help them or provide them with a solution.

This would be a proper time to use the word 'cyclical'

Cycles.
I'm sick of cycles.
Everything happens in cycles.
Here's a cycle:

Whoo I have a great relationship with Jesus ----> Okay... I need to start reading my Bible more ---> Oh, haven't read my Bible in a month. How did I get stuck in this apathy? ---> And then I slowly make my way back to the start.

I hate it everytime I get stuck at the bottom of that cycle, but once again that's where I am.

And I'm having such a hard time climbing back up.

Think you understand it, but you come up last

Just when I thought I understand something, I realize it's completely different than what I thought.

Growing up isn't just about being independent and making your own decisions.

It's about being responsible.
               submitting to authorities.
               accepting situations that are out of your control and don't go
               how you expected.
               being mature.
               giving people a chance, or a second chance.
               giving people the benefit of the doubt.
               having confidence in yourself.

Among other things.

It always seemed like we had no time at all

Walking towards each other
Our eyes connect
Smiles are exchaged
But that's the extent
I want to know you
But that time is spent
So what can we learn from this?
Stop wishing; just be content?

Not the Least Bit Daunting, Only Exciting

Some of my friends at school were talking about how close we are to finishing high school and how they've both cried at least once about graduating. (They're both girls by the way.) I was stunned by this-- that they are sad to graduate. I couldn't understand this. My feelings about graduation are completely the opposite.
I am ecstatic about graduating;
jump-up-and-down-go-crazy-psyco ecstatic about graduating.

I can't wait to experience new things and new places. (ie. Costa Rica) 
I can't wait to get on with the rest of my life.
I can't wait to learn about something that I really enjoy.
I can't wait to experience what I'm passionate about--Spanish and the people of that language.
I'm just so stoked for what God's got in store for me, because I know it's going to be something amazing. And honestly, I just can't picture myself doing some conventional job. Nope, no desk jobs for me!

The two girls asked me, "Won't you miss your friends?"
Well, yeah I will, but I know I'm only going to be gone for 10 months. and I figure if they're good friends, we'll keep in contact while I'm away.

Even if I struggle with having confidence in myself, I feel like I have a pretty good chunk of confidence in God regarding my future and I've just been kinda leaving it up to him. So, Costa Rica is the first step. After that.... who knows? (Only God.)

Not that I know how to change, I do it just the same.

I feel like I'm stuck.
What have I been doing all this time?
Living for myself? Mostly.
Going through the motions? Likely.
Do I want to change? Definitely.
Have I changed? Hardly.
I have good intentions, so what's going on?
Why is there no connection?

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

(Amanda's post titled "Mirrors" inspired me to write this.)

As you stare into your dirt covered mirror-- trying so hard to imagine what you might look like without the waste of the world distorting your reflection-- a man walks up behind you. He rests his hand gently on your shoulder and gazes into your mirror as you look up at him. You instantly know who he is and shrink down from his touch. You're ashamed. You don't want this man looking at your mirror, seeing the things that mar and stain your reflection-- all the lies you've succumbed to and all the harsh words that have been thrown at you. After taking a good look at your mirror, he looks down at you with a look that's so... gentle, loving, understating and sorrowful all at the same time. He reaches into his tool box and takes out a spray bottle and cloth. He then walks up to your mirror and sprays it with a soapy substance and starts rubbing the dirt away. He wipes with tenderness and purpose. He continues spraying and wiping until your mirror is freshly clean. But he's not finished. You watch him reach into his pocket. What could he be reaching for? He slowly pulls his hand out of his pocket, grasping a thick red Sharpie marker. He then proceeds to write on your unblemished mirror. You can't see what he has written until he moves aside. He turns and looks at you while you read his words.

Daughter, I love you dearly.
I will always love you, no matter what you do.
I have saved you by grace.
I am with you ALWAYS.
When you struggle I will lift you up.
When you're weary, I will unburden you.
You are beautiful, because I made you in my image.
Don't forget this, beloved.
Don't forget: I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
Te amo.


Tears start sliding down your cheeks. He walks towards you, reaches out his hand and softly brushes away your tears. He then reaches out to you and takes you into a strong, warm hug. You can feel all your fear, anxiety, and shame melting away. You heave a huge sigh of relief and a smile pokes at the corners of your mouth. He continues embracing you, infusing you with his fulfilling love, all the while with a huge grin on his face that shines brighter than the sun. He has reason to be overjoyed-- his daughter is back home, in his arms.

Sometimes wishes don't come true

Birthdays would be alot more fun if I had friends to celebrate them with.

Try, try, try again.

The number says I'm an adult and oh do I try. I try to be confident and look confident, wearing nice clothes and having my make-up and hair done just right. But behind all those feeble attempts is a scared and lonely little girl.

Everyday life

I had a kind of minor revelation/epiphany recently:

Instead of wishing for something different, look around at what you've got, what's happening in life now, what you can't change and live life according to have you do have, not what you want or wish you had.

Cliche or not, this was a good realization for me. Although this may not fit with every situation, it's fits with mine, right now. I'm not saying to stop setting goals and wishing for those goals. I simply mean that sometimes it's better to just accept your current situation and work through it.

A change in pace

I always seem to feel more.. alive when I don't have school.
Maybe it's because I'm not stuck somewhere I don't want to be all day long for 5 consecutive days in a row.
Or maybe it's because I get a break from being held against my will in a fluorescently lit prison.
Or maybe it's because I'm not shoving useless information into my mind that I probably won't use in the future.

I've found that school does a good job of turning my attitude negative, real fast.

Next week, once my dreaded opponent returns, I'll try something new and face it head on, with a smile upon my face.

A musician in the making

It really feels good to have something to work towards.
It's exciting and exhilarating.
And as Kayla says, "We're become well rounded individuals."
...even though my fingers are in agony.

No sé

I want this to be real. I want to have a real relationship with God. I don't want it to be superficial or cliché. As I reflect back on who I used to be, I can see that I was very good at being cliche and always giving "Sunday school" answers. I'm not satisfied with the 'easy, fluffy answers' anymore. I am also good at putting on a front and acting like I have everything in my life figured out, especially in the area of God. Which is incredibly far from the truth.

I don't want to be like this anymore.

So how do I change that?
By being more vulnerable with people?
By exposing my weaknesses and failures?
Do I even want to do that?

I don't want people to see me as a 'goody two shoes'. I find it very suffocating becuase once people stereotype me as such, they stop putting effort in to get to know me. And how many people want to hang out with a good two shoes? Not many. The only thing amusing about this is the expression on their faces when I do something to shake up their assumptions about me. With that being said, I'm very thankful for the people in my life that have gotten to know me past the stereotype.

I've been thinking about all this the past few months. I think I've realized a lot of things, but where does that leave me?

I'm not too sure yet.

Good Night

God showed me a little bit of himself tonight,
even though I have a hard time trusting him,
even though I let worry consume me,
even though I tend to rely on my own strength.

He showed me that he provides.



And my God will meet all your needs according to
His glorious riches in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19

Saved from the Grave

Our world is corrupt and depraved.
We all need to be saved
from the earthly things that we crave.
If we don't repent our home will soon be a grave.
So who wants to be brave
and accept the grace he gave?

My thoughts and stress-ness are suffocating me.

With social being done, I feel a small weight lifted off my shoulders. Now I only have math to concern myself with. I don't know how I'm ever going to get through it. It's Mission: impossible, or more accurately Mission: I don't know what I'm doing but I really, really hope that I finish with at least 60%.

And youth group... oh youth group. It seems like there will always be some kind of conflict there. But, I won't stop making waves until I get some real straight forward answers and a few changes are made.
 Like #1 why is the youth group focused on evangelizing instead of disciple making. Shouldn't we be trying to help these kids build a solid, strong relationship with God BEFORE giving them all these rules on how to behave as a Christian? Doesn't it make sense that once someone has a strong, intimate relationship with God, then their behaviour will change to reflect God more?
And #2, why is there such a focus on seeking God's hand rather than seeking His face? More often than not, isn't the focus placed on what we can do to get the most 'blessings' or what God  can give us for being so righteous and loving? I think the focus should be on seeking God; coming to know Him; abiding in Him, not seeking personal gain or looking for benefits. Just simply being so in love with Him. If we have God's completely fulfilling and satisfying love, than do we really need extra blessings? Since we are so full of God's love, the way we treat others will be different. Shouldn't the only incentive we need to love others and show them Jesus through our actions is the possibility that those people we love may come to know Jesus... instead of loving others to acquire blessings?

....but I'm just a 17 year old girl, what do I know.

Deluge of Grace

She silently floats away,
leaving everything she knows.
While fading into the distance,
her feelings of loneliness grows.

She has nothing to anchor her;
no solid foundation.
She clings to the hope,
that the Creator will rescue His creation.

She searches for her hero,
and tries to put on a brave face.
She utters a plea for forgiveness,
and receives a deluge of grace.

She's resolved to change,
by glorifying His name.
He loves sacrificially,
so she"ll try to do the same.

She turns her raft around,
and starts the tough journey home.
Although the road is long,
she knows she's never alone.

Light a way, from above. Shine it down, lead me home.

She's a lost soul,
with no goals.
And she's fallen asleep,
much, much too deep.
The apathy, like chains strapping her down, securing her fate,
slowing her breath and lowering her heart rate.
She sinks further down, away from reality,
lessening the odds of being set free.
Her only hope,
is to cut the ropes.
She needs her eyes opened so she can see.

Oh winter

"The days grow shorter
and the nights grow longer
as we wait for winter to end."