How long until the next rest stop?

I run and run and run,
with no where to go,
and no where to hide,
and no where to go to be found.
The shadow of my past
constantly, unceasingly
chasing me down.
At first the running felt freeing,
but I know now all I'm doing is fleeing.

What a reminder..

"My soul finds rest in God alone;
my salvation comes from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.
How long will you assault a man?
Would all of you throw him down—
this leaning wall, this tottering fence?
They fully intend to topple him
from his lofty place;
they take delight in lies.
With their mouths they bless,
but in their hearts they curse.

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
My salvation and my honor depend on God;
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.

Lowborn men are but a breath,
the highborn are but a lie;
if weighed on a balance, they are nothing;
together they are only a breath.
Do not trust in extortion
or take pride in stolen goods;
though your riches increase,
do not set your heart on them.

One thing God has spoken,
two things have I heard:
that you, O God, are strong,
and that you, O Lord, are loving.
Surely you will reward each person
according to what he has done."


Psalm 62


Ps I'm thankful for the friends that I can be myself around.

I'm not going to fight this any more,
my fight has been extinguished to nothing
more than a flicker.
Which I welcome because I'm tired of how we bicker
and banter back and forth.
Arguing never solved anything,
especially because we both can't win.
So I'll cast aside my pride and
trust you.


Ps I'm thankful for HC, Doctor Who, people saying "hi" to me in the halls,
and when you looked on google for me to find the link for our social assignment,
 even though I didn't ask you to.

Here I am, Lord send me.

Here I stand,
with raised up hands,
in surrender to You.
Throw away my complacency,
and fill me up so I can see,
it's all about You.
I'm living for You.
Your glory,
Your love,
Your mercy and grace.
I want to see Your beautiful face,
and see You smile
and nod to me approvingly.
I know You're here,
inside of me,
and no fear will live in me,
because it's all about You.
Your power,
You might,
and Your endless, gracious love.
So Lord, I pray,
please give me strength and confidence,
for the things I'll face today.

Ps I'm thankful for fellowship and RAOK and silly fun camp songs.

The sun has eclipsed my doubts

On this beautiful summer like day,
with the sunshine rays
hot enough to burn my face,
I am filled with peace and love and joy.
I want to hold onto this,
and stay in this moment of bliss,
and never be in want.
To want what you can't have
and ignore what's given to you
is something we all do,
and it's sad.

Idk why I let it happen.

"A childlike love I had
When we first began
We ran and I fell behind
I’ve been stuck here all this time
You waited like a lover
Who couldn’t let go of his bride
I turned my back away from You
Didn’t shed a tear or cry

But I’m falling for You now
I’m coming back to the place where we parted
It’s for real this time
So I’ll be here waiting where we started"

Ps I'm thankful for adult friends to talk to and accountability partners.

The edge I'm sliding over slowly

I'm so close to the edge,
the slightest nudge could push me off.
Everything I need to do and should have done
is a constant weight on my shoulders.
I'm exhausted and tired of EVERYTHING.

... just one more day,
then I can breathe a sigh of relief.

Ps I'm thankful for friends that check up on me.

A perfect end to a perfect day. (HA)

And I'm already losing steam.
I wonder how long I can keep going.
I'm tired in more ways than one.
Sometimes I just wanna throw down all my responsibilities
and have some fun.

Ps I'm thankful for HC and pen pals from China

Do not conform to the pattern of this world aka my struggle with social class

I have a very different perspective on things, especially in social.
I just think about things differently and see things in a different light,
which means I don't interpret the sources "right".
Which means I suck at multiple choice questions.
Which therefore means, if people have different perspectives,
they are forced to conform them to be "right".
What a joy.

Remember when we were friends?

You whisper,
then glance at me,
not wanting me to hear your profanity.
You talk to me like a child;
like I'm so naive;
like I'm this goody-two-shoes-little-Christian-girl.
You must not know me.
So just stop judging me.
Stop stereotyping me.
I'm sick of it.

If

I see you call out for help,
when you think no one is looking.
You're broken, deep down inside.
And you keep looking for answers;
for a quick-fix solution.
If you'd listen to me,
I'd tell you that Jesus can heal you,
if you let him.
If you'd listen,
I'd tell you that Jesus has a love for you that will fill you up and sustain you.
If you'd listen to me,
I'd tell you that Jesus gives rest to the weary and burdened.
...I know you think I'm cliche

If only you'd listen to me,
but I barely even know you.

Where are you??

You say you want to do this,
but your actions don't seem to match up.
You say I'm taking over,
but you don't want to share the responsibility.
You say you don't enjoy it,
but yet you're still doing it.

It's not a 2 hour responsibility.
It's so much more than that.
I told you once,
do I have to use a big neon sign next time?

More thanksgiving, less complaining...

I'm thankful that I do have people to talk to at school and that I'm not a complete loner.
I'm thankful that I generally understand math and I'm not completely lost.
I'm thankful that I'm starting to understand ideology stuff more.
I'm thankful that I have a small group full of girls that keep coming back week after week, even though I'm not the best teacher and I'm so thankful that they are so hungry for God and his love. I'm so blessed to be in a leadership role like this.
I'm thankful that God has given me some friends that genuinely care about me and just really get me the majority of the time.
I'm also thankful for friends that take me as I am; friends that I can be completely weird around, just let loose and instead of starring at me like I've gone off the deep end, they join right in.

**Side Note: you know have a good friend, when you

 accidently spit on them and they honestly

 don't care.

I'm thankful for the gifts and abilities God has given. Over the past year, I've learned to accept the gifts that I do have and I've been learning how to use them, instead of sitting around wishing I had different abilities and gifts.



A day like today

This is just one of those days,
where I feel like crying,
and I don't know why.
The desire isn't accompanied by a good reason.
I guess being overwhelmed is halfway to a good reason.
But what am I overwhelmed with?
Nothing? That would be a lie.
Everything? That isn't completely true.
Maybe it's a mixture of too much everything and not enough nothing.
And complaining never made anyone happy.
So why do I do it so much?

Thanksgiving Thoughts

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18:
Be joyful always; pray continually;
give thanks in all circumstances,
for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

I've decided that this will be a goal for me,

instead of always complaining.

Things rarely happen as planned and

continual disappointment can be draining.

Instead of focusing on things going my way,

I should praise God for everything he has provided.

I need to look towards Him and pray,

and hold onto His joy.

My knuckles may be white from my grip,

but I'm not giving up.

 I'm not going to let my determination slip,

I'll be basking in God's glory and joy.

Fin de Semana

This weekend was one of the better ones.

Friday finished with Bible study. I'm really excited to be going to Bible study and to have a Christian community that I can start to belong to. And to just have some real fun, like riding around in shopping carts, or playing capture the flag in the river bottom.

God also grabbed my attention this weekend and was kinda like, "Hello! Don't forget about Me!"
Joshua 1:8-9 pretty much sums it up:

"Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth;

meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful

to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous

and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and

courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged,

for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

We spent the rest of the weekend in Red Deer with my parent's friends from OBC. They have a girl that is a year younger than me and a boy a few years younger than Lonnie.  It was great because I got to have a really good heart-to-heart with Katie about living like a Christian at school and about getting out of the rut that can be created by being with Christian friends at school. We also made an attempt at being artistic, with acrylic paints. It was fun, but I was once again reminded that I'm not artistic.

And now I'm looking forward to the next weekend because....
DAVID CROWDER BAND.
And I'm super ecstatic for the Halloween weekend. JUST. SO. PUMPED.

This is probably just a phase...

Tick toc,
time stops.
I'm slowly falling,
into your arms.
You work your magic;
to make me feel safe from harm.

Oh the way you look at me
with a smile on your face.
I'm glad you understand,
that this whole thing isn't a race.
You're determination has finally gotten to me,
but I'm still keeping my guard up,
I can't let it down that easily.

A Day in the Life

Motto for my days at school:

"Life isn't fair and anyone who says otherwise is selling something."
------------------

Highschool in a nutshell:

"Walking down a lonely road
Singing an empty song
Looking for a friend to trust
Somewhere to belong
Searching for a grain of truth
When pain is the only thing real
Looking for the key to life
But guarding the way we feel"

Take me as I am.

Here I am.
Arms open wide.
Use me, mold me, break me, renew me.
I'm Yours.

Team J-E-S-U-S.

I'm sorry, but I don't love vampires. I don't even like them. Call me crazy for not wanting "a corpse, animated by an undeparted soul or demon, that periodically leaves the grave and disturbs the living."
I'm more than happy staying away from this weird craze for vampires. Why would I want to be filling my mind with the delusions that a vampire could protect, be trusted, be selfless, be sacrificial, and actually love. Since when are demons capable of such qualities. These qualities belong to Jesus and Jesus won't suck my blood. Jesus is faithful and trustworthy. He proved his selflessness when He died the most painful death to free all of us incredibly undeserving, broken people. This was the sacrifice of an eternity. And love, Jesus is love-- unending, undying, unconditional, satisfying love.
Jesus has any vampire 'stud' beat hands down. I'd sooner spend my time strengthening my relationship with Jesus, than dreaming up a fantasy involving a vampire boyfriend.
And besides, I really don't want to give the devil a foothold into my life.

Sacrificial Love

Something that's needed,
so it's completed,
without a second thought.
Self was left behind,
joy we were able to find,
all while serving the Lord.